Do You Work with a Narcissist?
By Vicki Bohlsen
President
Experts suggest that approximately 1 in 20 people demonstrate narcissistic tendencies. According to Wikipedia, “narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.” With these statistics, chances are that you have or will work with a narcissist at some point.
A narcissist’s constant entitlement, arrogance and condescension can leave a person utterly confused and frustrated. If you’re nodding your head up and down right now, and thinking what you can do about it, you are not alone.
From what I understand, narcissism is a personality trait and not a mental illness. It has long been believed that people can’t change their personalities, which are largely stable and inherited. But a review of recent research in personality science points to the possibility that a person’s traits can change through persistent intervention.
Pathological narcissism can lead a person to great distress, and they’ll often experience friction in relationships. When this is the case, it may lead to a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) diagnosis. The only treatment for narcissistic personality disorder is talk therapy, but medications may be included in the treatment if the person has other mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety. Many people with narcissistic tendencies, however, don’t get therapy because they, well… are narcissists. So, unfortunately, these abrasive individuals continue to pop up in our lives.
“Narcissism” seems to have become a buzzword lately… I think that is how I came across the podcast “Navigating Narcissism.” I have since listened to every episode and can’t wait for Thursdays when new episodes drop.
The podcast is hosted by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and a leading expert on narcissism. In this groundbreaking series, she has powerful, transformative conversations with survivors and breaks down classic narcissistic patterns like manipulation, control and gaslighting to help unpack feelings of shame, betrayal, pain and confusion.
There are a few “Navigating Narcissism” episodes in which Dr. Ramani specifically discusses narcissism in the workplace. I highly suggest you take a listen if you have a narcissist in your life!
How can you identify if you work with a narcissist?
They exaggerate their accomplishments and love to be the center of attention.
They don’t take responsibility for their mistakes and blame others.
They don’t take criticism or constructive feedback well.
If this is resonating with you, you should absolutely speak to a manager about the team member or client that is bothering you. Chances are they have experienced the same things as you or have had others bring it to their attention. It is important, however, to have your concerns— and the facts about the behavior and outcomes— documented.
Despite the frustration you might feel when you work with a narcissist, there may be a few upsides. Often, they are independent and self-sufficient hard workers who take bold risks and are unafraid to point out potential pitfalls that others might overlook.
In the meantime, there are a few things that can help you navigate the difficult situation.
Stay calm. As difficult as it is to be agreeable when someone in your workplace is not offering you the same courtesy, concentrate on what you can control: the quality of your work and mood.
Focus on facts, not feelings. Take note of what behaviors this narcissist is using to prohibit you and your coworkers from meeting your goals and what you need to discuss with a manager.
Create boundaries. You shouldn’t have to take on extra work to make up for an individual unwilling to contribute to team projects, especially if it comes at the cost of your mental wellbeing. This is something that needs to be shared with a supervisor.
Don’t try to change them. Narcissists are laser-focused on themselves and won’t respond to the effort you put in to meet them where they are.
Ignore obnoxious behavior. This can be incredibly difficult, but they’re not entitled to your emotional energy.
Dr. Ramani’s main philosophy is that you can only work on managing how you react to a narcissist’s negative behaviors. So, think about this the next time when you are faced with a narcissist in the workplace.
